Entry date: Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Player's Guide to Bye Weeks
Submitted by Mike Petinarelis (aka Moe Diggity)
ASHN Member at Canlan Ice Sports Scarborough
The dreaded bye week. Just when you're looking forward to getting out for some hockey with the boys, the league occasionally throws an obstacle your way in the form of a "bye week". But just because there's no hockey doesn't mean that there was "no hockey". Catch my drift?
Seems like some of my teammates have a hard time getting (and staying) out of the house to enjoy a nice pop with the rest of the boys due to having to ask for permission from the "better half" (aka The Wife).
So for the benefit of my fellow teammates and others that find themselves in the same predicament, I've compiled a list of things that will assist you in leaving the house earlier, staying out later and, ultimately, having a full unadulterated DAY PASS!
Rule # 1. All games rarely start on time. Your game started later so you got home later.
Rule # 2. All your games are close ones and have a tendency to go into double overtime. Building off item # 1, your game ended later so you got home later. If it makes her feel any better, tell her you scored the winning goal or something. If she starts asking too many questions like "How did a 7-3 game get decided in double overtime?" fake an injury to change the subject... fast!
Rule # 3. After each game, it takes a good 30-45 minutes to take off all that heavy equipment, get showered and changed, lug your equipment out to the car, etc. Realistically, you know you can do that all in about 30 seconds flat. But the longer you get her to believe it takes you, the more beer you can enjoy after the game!
Rule # 4. The drive home always takes twice as long. This can be due to various reasons -- deteriorating weather conditions and poor visibility, you ran out of gas, there were three R.I.D.E stops along the way, you hit a moose, etc. The possibilities are endless. Go with it!
Rule # 5. Lastly and most importantly -- there is no such thing as a bye week. You play hockey on the same day of the week... EVERY week. Just because the schedule says no hockey doesn't mean that you've gotta go running to her to tell her about it. The less she knows the better. This is key in obtaining the much sought-after Day Pass.
Make her see you putting your equipment in the car as you leave the house if you have to, but do not, I repeat DO NOT let her know that something as sweet as a bye week even exists. Screwing this up will only cause a domino effect that will see the end of the Day Pass for not just you but everyone else on the team. Be careful with the bye week. Treat it like gold.
So there you have it. Five helpful hints courtesy of Moe Diggity. And remember, if all else fails, "It is always easier to beg for forgiveness... than to ask for permission."
Ps. Honey Snookums, if you're reading this, I just wanted to let you know that I personally don't condone any of the above and I've just written it in an attempt to win a SIRIUS Satellite Receiver... for you of course! And, yes, I understand that, as a result of being allowed out of the house on a week that we have a bye, I still have to do the laundry, the vacuuming and the dishes when I get home... no matter how late it is.
-- Yes, dear <whip crack> Yes, dear. Jump? How high dear?
For his contribution, Mike's name will be entered into a draw for a free SIRIUS satellite StarMate 4 receiver plus six months of free programming.
The ASHN is sending Mike a DVD copy of Showcase's hilarious comedy series "Rent-A-Goalie" (Season One).
Click here to find out how to get your story published and your name into the draw.
Entry date: 10/02/2009
Submitted by paul Reid, Toronto
Michael, do you have a sister named Mary ? I used to work with her and would love to catch up with her
Entry date: 08/29/2009
Submitted by Moe, Scarborough
I never thought that I needed to put a "for entertainment purposes only" disclaimer on the blog when I first wrote it. How entertaining would it have been if I had wrote "How do you stay out for a few beers with the boys? Just tell her the truth." End of article and not very entertaining in the slightest. Furthermore, it probably wouldn't have been published and I wouldn't be listening to music on my new Sirius Satellite right now. (Thanks!) The reason this article was written was because most guys can relate to it due to knowing "that guy". His biggest excuse for not hanging around for some beers after the game is "the wife". Whether that's the actual case or not is anyone's guess. The list of five rules were not meant to condone fibbing to your wife. They're a jab at "that guy" who felt he needed to go to those lengths in order to stay out a little longer. For the record, my wife proofread the blog for me and thought it was hilarious. For those of you that got a laugh out of it as well, I'm glad you found it entertaining. Cheers!
Entry date: 08/28/2009
Submitted by James, Winnipeg
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive!
Sir Walter Scott
Scottish author & novelist (1771 - 1832)
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